I love alien invasion movies, so I expected "Battle: Los Angeles" to be an exciting watch.

I could tell it wasn't going to be the awesome nail biter I was hoping for right from the beginning. I accepted that, that's fine, I guess it will just be an hour and forty five minutes of getting to know these characters and seeing most of them die at the hand of aliens. Still potential... maybe...

Well... it turned into what you might see if you were watching a kid play with his G.I. Joes. The dialogue got really detached-from-reality-ish, and the events got so random. I kept picturing a kid, mainly my brother (when he was little), sitting in his room,  a G.I. Joe in each hand and more on the ground. Making noises and narrating the events. It was seriously like:

Kid playing with G.I. Joes: Pew! Pew! Pew! (those are the gun sounds) get to the main board thing! Whao! there's more aliens! Get to the top of that rock! (where did that rock come from?). Whao! there's a huge mother ship! make a call! Pew pew! Pew! Ah! They're coming up on my side! Whao! Use this thing that looks like an Atari gaming set to put a laser somewhere! Sir! Where should we put the target?! Over there by the striper pad! (what's a striper pad???). Did the striper pad get through? Yeah! Woo! Pew Pew! Explosion! Ahhhh! The soldier on the rock exploded! Whao! Here comes one missile! P-Koooooowwwwww! Yeah! We exploded the thing! Yeah! High five! Striper pads! We did it! (in a lower voice with a different doll... or maybe a Batman doll to make him look different from the other soldiers): Congratulations. You saved the earth. Would like some pancakes? (back to the regular soldiers) Yeah! Yeah! Wait! No. We already ate. We will fight more! Yay!!! The end.

You could go see the movie to decide for yourself, or you could just look at this poster I've enhanced that basically tells the whole story: