I recently got a red light camera ticket in the mail (we have cameras here that take pics of people going through red lights, and then it mails you a ticket). There was a warrant out for my arrest, and  my bail was one million dollars.

Okay, not exactly. But that's what it felt like. I did get the ticket and they wanted me to pay $486. FOUR HUNDRED AND EIGHTY SIX DOLLARS??? ARE YOU INSANE???

They attached a picture of the driver, and a video. The car didn't run through a red light into the intersection, but was turning right as the light changed to red. Bright side? I wasn't the driver. Woo-hoo! Now I can't say who the driver is... but let's just say he looks like this:

Here's the video, too. Just to see how INSANE this is. Keep in mind they wanted me to pay a billion dollars for this. And it's a right on red, a just turning red. It's the green Honda CRV, the third car to go through.

I checked the "not the driver" box, mailed the ticket back and was done with it. But that wasn't enough for them. They wanted the insane amount of money they were charging for the two-mile-an-hour-safely-done right turn that was made on a red, and they were going to try and get it.

With Justin's law background he knew my rights in this situation. He informed me that all I had to do was tell them I wasn't the driver, and I didn't have to tell them who the driver was. He said they would ask and ask, but just not to tell them.

The days leading up to my court date only got me more and more prepared. The scenereo played out in my mind at least a hundred times, each time I came through more super-power-attorney-ish than the last. I imagined walking in the court room and up to the police officer, who in my mind was rude and out to get me. I imagined it like this:

Police Officer (standing at a podium, wearing his sunglasses, inside): Were you the driver?
Me (full of confidence): No.
PO: Who was?
Me: I'm just here to show you I'm not the driver.
PO (getting angry): You HAVE to tell me who the driver is.
Me: I'm just here to show you that I'm not the driver.
PO (getting even angrier): Do you not understand the question??? Who was the driver????
Me: Am I obligated to tell you?
PO (annoyed but incredibly shocked and impressed by my legal knowledge): Yes.
Me: And what if I don't? I want to see the section code on this.
PO: WHO. WAS. THE. DRIVER???
Me: Not me.
PO: I WILL ARREST YOU!!! JUDGE!!!
For some reason in my mind the judge was walking around, with his hands behind his back, surveying everyone's work. In my mind there were multiple podiums with a cop at each one, trying to get people to tell who the driver was.
PO (as Judge comes over to check his work): She will not tell me who the driver is!!!
The judge looks at my paperwork and is extremely impressed by me knowing my rights.

Judge (with an approving nod): You gotta let her go, Murphy.

The police officer is mad, but he does what he's told, and I skip off and Justin and I go get breakfast.

What really happened:
Upon arrival to the courthouse, everyone fighting the red light tickets was escorted to a room where we were given the low-down on how things would go. Then, if we wanted to skip the first part (watching a video), we were able to get into a line to speak with an officer. Which I did.

As I stood in line I surveyed the cop. He was sitting at a table, and he seemed nice as he spoke to each person. My turn was getting closer and closer, and as the seconds dwindled down I leaned over to Justin (sitting in the row next to where I was standing) and whisper-asked "if the cop asks if I own the car" should I tell him yes? Yes. Ah, the sign of a truly confident red-light-ticket-fighter.

While I was waiting I noticed another cop, female, sitting at a different table. She was trying to get someone to tell her who the driver was. The woman didn't want to, so the cop told her, in a demeaning way "it's the right thing to do". No ma'am, the right thing to do is not to have a machine hand out a million $500 tickets to people going two miles an hour on a safe right turn! That's the right thing to do! Anyway...

I was on deck as the person in front of me sat and talked with the cop. It dawned on me that once the person got up, I wasn't sure if I should go sit down? Or do I wait for the cop to say "next"? The person got up and left. Not wanting to be presumptuous, I stood there like a moron. After a few long seconds, the cop looked up and said "next" like he shouldn't have had to say it.

He was really nice, though. I sat down and started to giggle at the thought of the legal battle I was about to partake in. So I'm sure that was pretty intimidating for the officer.
PO (looking at the pic and then me): This isn't you!
Me: No! (giggle)
PO: Who is this? Is this your husband? Who?
Me (giggle): No, I'm just here to show you I'm not the driver. (giggle).
PO: Is this your brother? A friend?
Me (giggle): I'm not the driver (holding my ground! Take that!)

He asked me a few more times, but I was firm with my giggles and "I'm not the driver", so he sent me up to the judge for the case to be dismissed.

So, yes. I replaced the impressive mistake-me-for-a-lawyer performance for an all out giggle-fest, but I did get out of the ticket, and I did get breakfast after. So everything worked out in the end!