I hate flying.  I'll get all excited for a trip when we're planning it, but as the trip gets closer and I realize I'm going to have to go to the airport to get to my trip, I start to get scared. And angry. Angry because I worry that I am going to die on the plane and I start to blame whoever I'm visiting. This time it was Ginger (one of my closest and life long friends) and her soon-to-be-born baby Cali Capri that were going to be blamed for my death, since I was going home for Ginger's baby shower.

It's not just the flying that scares me, although that is a gigantic part of it. It's the driving to the airport and checking in. And then there's security.

If I'm flying with Justin I'm a little bit better, but then he has to deal with me the entire trip being overly irritated. Justin was unable to go on this trip. He drove me to the airport and I did okay on the car ride. But as we brought my bags to the curbside check in I began to feel sick. We checked my bag, 50 pounds, so I was this close to having to pay even more for my bag.

The security line was next. Don't get me wrong. I am very grateful that they have tight security. But it's so overwhelming. There are a ton of people, and in a few seconds you have to pick up three bins, take your shoes and sweatshirt off, take your computer out of your bag and find a place to put your license and ticket. And then move up your bins because the people behind you are annoyed that there is so much space in front of your bins. They could be using it!

I got my carry-ons ready (another problem-- I stress because I have a camera bag, a computer case and then a ghetto grocery bag filled with random stuff, and although I did buy a real carry on so I can at least throw it all in there after security, it wasn't here in time for this trip). As Justin walked me over to where I'd have to go through security I started bawling. "I'm so stressed!" I said, seeing the security line, my random bags, and the amount of time I'd have to undress and take my stuff out, and the TSA workers.

He was really sweet and tried to reassure me I'd be fine by quoting Phil from "Modern Family", "Slow is smooth and smooth is fast".

So I walked crying over to the security line as Justin stood and watched. I started to get mad that I had to go through security. And it must have showed because after placing my stuff on the conveyor belt and going through the metal detector, the TSA guy made me come back and wouldn't let me go through until I smiled. So then I was embarrassed and laughed, and then wanted to cry, and went through. I hurriedly grabbed all of my stuff out of the bins while the TSA told everyone that came through that I was mean (I guess I gave him a mean look when I came through).

I looked back and saw Justin, and waved.

At this point I found my gate. Even though I had an assigned seat, I was worried they could have possibly double booked. Or someone would be in my seat (I've sat in other people's seats more than once, and I don't realize it, and then I fall asleep and then they have to wake me, and I'm doing the exact same thing that I worry someone else will do to me).

People, including me, always crowd around the gate entrance, waiting to run on the plane even though we end up waiting in the hallway. So I did that. I was behind this mom, dad and and their two tween/teen sons. They were cracking me up, which I needed. The mom was asking like a million questions to her boys "do you have your books?" "will you have to use the restroom? If you do, you will have to sit on my lap." Which what does that mean? Her boys were giving her death rays and I heard their dad say "if she's making you mad just don't talk to her". hehe.

When I sat on the plane they were behind me. And the mom, on the aisle seat, was freaking out because she didn't want to hold the dog carrier under her seat. The (calm) husband was like "you're the only one with free space, we all have stuff" but she kept insisting that her under-seat space was smaller. Which it wasn't and I figured she just wanted leg room (after all, her sons are going to have to sit on her lap if they have to go to the bathroom!) and was actually trying to pawn the dog off on someone else. I didn't get to hear what happened next because I was sitting in someone else's seat and had to move.

Once I moved I felt something poking my foot. I reached down and picked up a piece of the plane. It was a 2 foot long plastic piece that had come off. I told the flight attendant and she gave me no reaction. She was just like "yeah, it's from the floor part" and pointed as if to say "reattach it yourself". I was like, unnecessarily freaking out, and was like "I don't have time to put the plane back together!" And she put the broken plane piece in the overhead compartment.

I am most relaxed once I'm in my seat. Yeah, I worry about flying, but the stress of getting to the plane is what gets me all riled up. I think I would be okay if I could FedEx everything in advance and just go through security with nothing but my licence and my ticket. At least, I'm okay in the air until we hit the slightest bit of turbulence.

On the flight back to CA we hit a mega load of turbulence. Actually, it was probably a normal amount, but it didn't stop me from grabbing my armrest and digging my fingers into it, fearing for my life. The slowest talking flight attendant in the world picked up the receiver and was like "We are experiencing some..." and took the longest pause ever. Which made me think she was trying to figure out how to break the bad news to us. Experiencing some what??? Exploding? Crashing? Terrorist attacking??? WHAT????? "........ turbulence." Phew, okay, for how long? "For the next 20... to 30... moments." Which it turns out means nothing at all, but I thought she meant seconds and I was like "Yay! It will be over by the time this announcement is over!" and then she said "I mean minutes".

Well, other than that my flights there and back were great, and when I land I can see what an unnecessarily huge deal I make out of everything. But I feel like my worrying actually helps the flight (although when I have my wits about me I know this is not true). I'm saving the other passengers' lives. If I just get on the plane and am like "this flight will be great!" then it will most definitely go down. So you're welcome everybody!